Penance
by ubiquitous girl
Summary: Joren has been put in an awkward situation. Would the way he treats this situation change his life? How would this affect Kel, the object of his hatred? Set during Page.
1. Penance

**Chapter 1**** – ****Penance**

_Disclaimer - Tortall and its characters, etc. are the property of Tamora Pierce. For fun, not profit._

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Joren blocked Zahir's thrust and returned the favour. Zahir, smirking, struck high. Again Joren blocked the strike with his staff. Before he could return the strike, Zahir struck again, hitting Joren in a place he had never thought the other boy would have the audacity to hit, at least not in their practice duels. As Joren recovered from the blow, Zahir struck again, just below his left knee. Regaining his balance, Joren looked up. As his senses registered that his opponent was no longer in front of him, Zahir struck him behind the knees and Joren fell to the floor. As he rose, Zahir sneered. "I win."

Joren inwardly groaned. Both boys were very competitive, and while Joren won more often than not, they were evenly matched. Joren arched an eyebrow at his friend. "Name my penance," he replied impatiently. The loser of their practice rounds had to do whatever task the winner instructed. Usually that meant doing a favour for the winner or making a fool of themselves in front of a lady. Sometimes though, it involved playing a trick on the Lump and her friends. Zahir watched him thoughtfully. "Tonight, Zahir," Joren prompted.

"Well Joren, I have a penance which I'm most certain you will enjoy," Zahir began. Joren looked at him warily. He was beginning to get a bad feeling about this. "You have to kiss a girl." Zahir looked at him expectantly.

Joren almost sighed with relief. "Yes, I'm sure I'll enjoy my penance," he drawled. "Who's the chit?"

Zahir smirked. "None other than Lady Keladry of Mindelan."

Joren's jaw dropped. "You want me to kiss the Lump?" The boy scowled. He'd been perfectly fine until heard 'Mindelan'.

"Yes, and a proper kiss, not just a peck on the cheek or anything. And I have to be witness to it." The look on Zahir's face was triumphant.

"You've been planning this, haven't you?" Joren accused.

"Whatever would make you think that?" Zahir replied, feigning innocence while barely containing his glee. He thought he had proved himself to be the better player, finally finding a task Joren would refuse. Well, he was wrong.

"I'll do it," he thought for a moment, "tomorrow, after morning practice in the stables. Make sure you can see into her monster's stall." With that, he stalked out of the practice courts.

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Early the next morning Joren went to the stables. He'd had very little sleep the night before, mostly because of nightmares involving him kissing the Lump. Unfortunately, his predicament was real, so he decided to spend most of the morning riding in the forest. By the time he returned, the Pages' morning practice was over. He was heading towards the stables when Garvey appeared at his side and winked.

"I heard you lost yesterday. I'll take the horse, your Lump is waiting." With a malicious grin, Garvey lead their horses away. Turning back, Joren saw Neal nearby, eyeing him suspiciously. He almost groaned aloud. The last thing he needed was for the Lump's friends to find out. Everyone would know then, ruining his plans for the Lump's demise. He intended to keep this episode between the Lump, Zahir and himself, and Garvey and Vinson, seeing as Zahir had seen fit to tell them as well. Joren walked to the stables slowly, so that all the pages were in their horse's stalls by the time he reached them. Spotting Zahir, he raised an eyebrow in silent question. Zahir gave him a small nod. Drawing in a breath, he walked toward the arduous task ahead of him.

Kel lifted her head as the door to Peachblossom's stall opened. She smiled to herself, thinking of Neal. "I'm not done with Peachblossom yet Neal, I'll meet you at the mess hall."

"And what makes you think I'm Queenscove?" A voice behind her enquired, silkily.

If it hadn't been for her Yamani training, Kel would have jumped. "Joren," she said, a statement more than anything else. Her face was bland as she looked over at him. He smiled. It was a beautiful smile, she conceded, just like the rest of him, but she wasn't fooled. "What do you want?"

"I just thought to come by and say I saw you with the lance this morning. You were doing really well." Seeing the disbelief on Kel's face, he hastily added, "Isn't that what friends do?"

Kel was shocked. Joren, complimenting her? Reluctantly, she replied, "Thank you." She put Peachblossom's comb away. The gelding, who had been eyeing Joren suspiciously since he had come in, lunged at the boy as he moved closer to Kel. Turning, Kel saw Joren glare at the horse as he stepped out of reach. "You don't have to wait for me," she said as he tried again to move closer to her.

"I know." She looked up at him, realising too late what he was about to do. Warmth touched her lips, and she felt one strong arm snake around her neck, holding her head in place, while the other wound around her waist, pulling her to him. Surprised, she gasped against the kiss, her lips parting. Joren didn't wait for an invitation. Sliding his tongue inside her mouth he taunted and teased, until, finally, she responded in turn, hesitantly at first, but more confident as he encouraged her. Finally Joren broke away from the kiss, and with one final brush of his lips against hers, left the stables. Kel just stood there, completely perplexed.

Joren walked out of the stables feeling strangely satisfied. He had completed an impossible task, in a way Zahir never could have. As he reached his rooms, he made a mental note to thank Zahir. The kiss in the stables might even help his master plan along. He smiled to himself.

The Lump would never become a squire.

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**A/N - Thanks to Rubber Duck and Shattered Amethyst, for originally betaing this for me. Also, a big thank you to Treanz-Alyce for the giving this another beta and helping to tidy this dusty old fic up. :D  
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	2. Fights

**Chapter 2 - Fights**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, etc. It's all Tammy's

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Kel walked into the mess hall, still a bit confused. What was Joren playing at? Collecting her lunch, she went to sit at her usual table next to Neal. Strangely, she didn't feel that quivery blend of happiness and pain she usually felt around him. Could she really be so fickle as to let one kiss, with Joren no less, make her forget her feelings for Neal? Even more confused, she ate silently, letting her friends' chatter wash over her. Kel didn't know why she had let him kiss her or why she kissed him back. Although she admitted she quite enjoyed the kiss, even if she called herself ten kinds of idiot afterwards. Looking up, she saw Joren enter the mess hall. Their eyes met and he winked at her. Kel ignored it, trusting him even less after the incident in the stables. She returned her attention to her food and ate silently. Luckily, nobody noticed her reticence at lunch, although she felt Joren's eyes watching her until she left the mess hall.

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Joren watched the Lump leave the mess hall. He knew she was confused after all that had happened, even if she hid it beneath that expressionless mask. All he had to do now was to keep her that way. A few more kisses and she'd be a lot more receptive to him. A thought occurred to him. What if the Lump fell in love with him? He smiled to himself. That would surely be the most entertaining thing he'd ever see. But of course, the Lump was the Lump, and the Lump felt nothing, so it would never happen. But it would be fun to try and see.

The next evening, Joren waited in the hallway for Kel. Seeing her, he smiled softly to himself. Time to confuse his enemy again. He would surprise the Lump and show the world why women didn't become knights. Of course, the Lump didn't know that. She would just think he was interested in her and too late would figure out his plan. As she walked past him, he grabbed her arm. Kel spun and kicked his feet from underneath him. "Joren,." She she said as he rose, "I thought that you were an attackerdidn't mean to...." you may want to change that, and explain why she's saying it. Her voice trailed off as Joren growled and lunged at her, tackling her to the ground, then threw a punch at her, hitting her jaw. He struck at her again, but this time she blocked it and hit hisJoren's jaw. She shoved Joren off her and rose to her feet. With a wry smile, he struck out a leg and swept her feet from under her, smirking as she fell. Kel rose as he did and punched his stomach. Winded by her blow, Joren staggered against the stone wall before moving forward to kick her hip.

They continued to exchange blows, until finally Joren pinned Kel to the ground. "Girls can't fight." He sneered at her, their faces inches from each other.

"Girls can fight and I'll be a knight.," She she replied stubbornly.

"You will never pass the Ordeal.," He he stated confidently. What happened next he would never be able to explain. He kissed her. Again. But the gentleness of that the first kiss was not there. Fierce was a more apt description for the way he and Kel dueled with their tongues and provoked each other into feeding the flames that had risen so suddenly. Joren, coming to himself, pulled away from her and stood. Kel also rose and grabbed his wrist as he turned away. Joren turned back to her only to be punched in the jaw. Reeling, he shoved her hard against the wall and walked back to his room.

That did not go well, Joren thought to himself as he entered his room. He hadn't meant to fight her, much less remind her that he wasn't really her friend. Cursing to himself, he replayed the scene in his mind. If only the Lump hadn't gone and thought she was being attacked. Now it looked as if his plan was in tatters. And worse, she would know he was planning something. Groaning aloud, he considered what to do next. A knock sounded from the door. Opening it, Joren found Zahir waiting expectantly. "What do you want?" He he asked the Bazhir curtly.

"What happened? I thought you would be celebrating after your success with the Lump.," Zahir replied as he walked inside the room. Joren sighed, telling Zahir what had happened in the hallway and his current setbacks. "Well, Joren, you only have one option. Apologize to the Lump"

"Apologize?" Joren burst out. "You must be insane!"

"Just tell her that you're trying to change and you still want to be her friend. Be honest about how you started fighting with her though. The best lies have a semblance of truth in them."

"I have my pride, Zahir. I'm not apologizing to the Lump."

"Fine, Joren. Ruin your carefully laid plans to rid us of the Lump because you have too much pride to apologize to a worthless whore, who will doubtless forget anyway."

Put that way, his Joren's arguments seemed a little silly. "Fine, I'll go apologize to her."

"Glad to be of service. Good luck."

"Meet me at the stables tomorrow."

"I can't. His majesty wants me to attend some council tomorrow."

Joren opened the door. "Fine, but come back later so we can finish discussing this and what to do next."

"I'm trembling with anticipation," Zahir replied dryly, but his eyes sparkled as he exited the room. Joren followed the Bazhir and closed the door behind him before heading for the Lump's room.

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**A/N - Thanks to Treanz-Alyce, Shattered Amethyst and Lioness Fury for betaing this chapter for me. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I tried to take note of points you made. Now please review everyone.**


	3. Earthquake

**Chapter 3 - Earthquake**

Disclaimer- none of this is mine, it all belongs to tammy.

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Kel heard a knock on her door. She opened the door to find Joren standing before her, anxiously running his fingers through his white-blond hair. 'Good evening,' she said, barely civil. 'How can I help you?'

"Can I talk to you? Inside?" Joren asked, emphasizing the last word. Kel nodded and let him in, leaving the door open. "Do we need the door open?"

"Yes. That's the rule. Now what did you want to talk about?" Kel sounded calm, but was still trying to figure out why Joren would want to talk to her.

"Well, I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier this evening. I didn't mean to fight with you, but when you kicked me instinct made me react. And I didn't mean what I said afterwards either, it was just the feeling of battle was still with me. I still want to be your friend," he blurted out, feeling awkward.

Kel stared at him, fighting to keep the shock from her face. Joren, apologizing to her? He was definitely up to something. "Why did you kiss me?"

"I don't know,' Joren sounded a bit impatient. "Do you forgive me?"

She considered this, sensing a semblance of truth in his words. Remembering that she had once been advised to keep her friends close and her enemies closer still, she decided to forgive him. If Joren wanted to be her friend, she wouldn't argue. It didn't mean she trusted him the least, nor would he leave her alone completely. But at least if Joren was playing with her, then Kel wouldn't be as hurt. "I forgive you" she spoke finally, but unable to help herself, she asked again "Why did you kiss me the other morning?"

"Is it such a crime that I kissed you? You're a girl and I'm a boy. These things happen, Mindelan. Did it ever occur to you that I might be attracted to you?" He said earnestly.

Kel practically snorted at the thought, although she knew he could be telling the truth. It was undeniable that he was attractive, and even more so that she was nowhere near as pretty as the ladies that are constantly vying for his attention. Aloud though, she said to Joren, "I'm only thirteen, far too young to be laying with men."

"I wasn't asking for anything of the sort, though you shouldn't kid yourself - you are old enough for such things. I just meant that you are pretty, in your own way, and it isn't that far a leap to think that a man might be attracted to you."

Moving closer to her, he kissed her. This time the kiss was a blend of fire and softness. Forgetting everything else under his gentle ministrations, Kel kissed him back until she remembered the door was open. Pulling away hastily, she said firmly, "Not in here. Not now. Goodnight Joren."

"Nobody saw us Kel," he brushed his lips against hers. "Goodnight." Kel watched Joren head back to his room, striding confidently.

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Joren slept fitfully that night. His dreams were haunted by a pair of dreamy hazel eyes and short brown hair. Damn the Lump, he thought to himself as he rose to dress for the day. Luckily Lord Paxton, his knight-master, had given him a whole day off while in talks with the king about the Yamani alliance, so he could go back to sleep after completing his morning duties As he went to the mess hall for breakfast he was flagged down by Sir Gareth of Naxen the Younger "You're Paxton's squire, aren't you?"

"Yes your Grace." Joren bowed, secretly hoping nobody saw him with the progressive.

"Tell you knight-master the meeting is postponed. There was an earthquake at Fief Cavall. Lord Raoul is taking Third Company with him and Lord Wyldon is taking the pages this morning. He wants to check in on things at home personally."

Joren mentally sighed. No doubt he and Paxton would go too, considering how close the knight was with Lord Wyldon. "I'll notify him immediately." With another bow, he took his leave of the Prime Minister and headed back towards his rooms.

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Sure enough, when Lord Paxton heard about the earthquake, he wanted to go. "This will be good for you. Being a knight isn't just about fighting. It's also about helping those in need," he gave a fatherly smile to Joren. "Compassion and humility are the true virtues of a knight, Joren, no matter how good you are with a sword." Wisely Joren kept silent throughout this speech. Sometimes he wondered if his knight-master was closet progressive.

A knock sounded at the door, interrupting his knight master's chivalrous. He opened the door and met blank hazel eyes. "Is Lord Paxton here?" Kel questioned, "I have a message from Lord Wyldon."

Somehow Joren managed to put on the usual sneer he used around the Lump and her friends. 'Wait here,' he commanded and turned, only to find his knight-master right behind him.

"What did you want, my dear?" He asked kindly. Joren tried not to roll his eyes. Paxton could be so oblivious at times.

"My Lord Wyldon sent me to ask if you and you squire would accompany him to Fief Cavall. There was an earthquake there the night before last."

"Of course. Tell him I am more than willing accompany him with my squire ." Kel bowed, murmuring her thanks, and left.

Joren slammed the door. He had barely heard the end of the exchange; his thoughts were lost in the depths of her eyes, whilst the memory of her soft lips clouded rational though. That was until he finally come to his senses, remembering that, after all, this was the Lump he was fantasizing about.

"Joren?" Lord Paxton questioned.

He snapped back to attention. "She's the girl." Joren replied.

"Girl? Oh…girl." His knight-master came back to the topic at hand, seemingly preoccupied. "Well I can see why she wants to try to be a knight."

"What?" Joren replied, startled.

"Well look at her Joren. You can barely tell she's a girl. She looks like a cow or an ogre. Probably thinks it's the only way to find a man." He chuckled, inviting his squire to share in the joke. Joren laughed along with Paxton, wondering if it really was that hard to tell if the Lump was a girl. Finally his knight-master gave him his orders. "Squire, go pack. We leave at dawn tomorrow."

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**AN - Thanks to all my reviewers. Special thanks to Tuathail and Treanz-Alyce for betaing. Please review.**


	4. Domitan

**Chapter 4 - Domitan**

**Disclaimer - All the characters, etc. belong to Tammy**.

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At the next bell, Joren was waiting outside the stables impatiently, having readied everything for their trip. If only his knight-master would arrive. Finally, Lord Paxton came, wordlessly took his things and horse from Joren and mounted and rode towards Lord Wyldon and Duke Baird, his face grim. Confused, Joren followed him. Upon reaching the pages, he wished he could have stayed in Corus. He was the only squire stuck with the pages, including the Lump, and Third Company hadn't even left yet. 

"Meathead!"A cheerful voice sounded in his ear.

Joren was turning to correct the arrogant puppy when he heard someone drawl, "Not in front of the lady, Dom." Seeing Neal hug the other man, Joren smirked. Meathead, he thought to himself, very apt. "And this is demoiselle Keladry of Mindelan," Neal gave an exaggerated bow.

As Neal turned to Merric, Dom smiled, blue eyes sparkling. "It's a pleasure to meet you Kel."

"You too, Sergeant… uh…" Kel fought not to blush.

"Domitan. Just Dom though. Neal has told me so much about you, I feel like we're already friends."

Kel smiled warmly at him. "Any friend of Neal's is a friend of mine."

"Neal's friend?" Dom remarked in mock horror. "No, I'm just his cousin."

"You do look a lot like Neal."

"I hope that's a compliment, although I am far more handsome than Neal is," he replied wickedly.

"I heard that," said Neal, turning back. "And you're wrong. Oh, and Kel, this is my cousin, Sergeant Domitan of Masbolle."

Kel and Dom smiled at each other. "I already introduced myself, Meathead." Seeing Neal's scowl, he remarked to Kel, "he does act like a meathead, doesn't he?"

"Oh, absolutely," Kel replied, lightly teasing. "Come on, Lord Wyldon is here. We'd better go Neal. Nice to meet you Dom."

"Until next we meet my lady," Dom remarked with a bow. Kelwaved back at Dom as she dragged Neal away.

Joren, scowled as he watched this interchange. They were flirting. She'd smiled at the sergeant, but never at him. Not, he added, that he wanted her to. Still, she had a nice smile, although why the sergeant was flirting with his Lump was beyond him. He froze as his mind registered that last thought. His Lump? His? Why would he want the Lump, of all people to be his? Shaking the thoughts from his head, he rode forward to meet up with his knight-master.

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Two days later, they were well away from Corus and Kel was feeling restless. She could feel Joren's eyes upon her constantly, watching her. This made her nervous, except for when she was with Dom. He was so amiable and good-looking, a lot like Neal. Sometimes while riding, she wondered what it would be like to kiss him, which in turn, always turned her thoughts to Joren. She dreamt of his kisses at night and shivered, thinking of his arms around her yet again. "Cold, Kel?" Dom's voice brought her back to herself. 

"No, it's just the breeze." Kel smiled at him.

"Sergeant Domitan, Lord Raoul is looking for you." Joren's cold voice interjected. Dom nodded in acquiescence. With a quick smile for Kel, he turned and left. Instead of leaving with Dom as she had expected, Joren stayed, riding alongside her through the woods. Kel kept her face blank, unsure of Joren's motives.

Joren looked at her face and mentally groaned. The Lump wasn't making things easier for him and his plans were getting out of hand. Now Garvey and Vinson knew too and had been overly enthusiastic in helping make plans for her demise. Remembering the way Dom had smiled at her, his eyes narrowed. Putting on an air of joviality, he tried to converse with Kel.

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Fief Cavall was a mess. Joren looked around the remains of the outer village. Noting that the stone walls surrounding the stone castle which was Lord Wyldon's residence were still standing, he rode up to Lord Paxton for instruction. The train stopped as the ground beneath them shook. The horses, spooked, reared and bolted and everyone tried to regain control of their mounts. Joren firmly brought Icestorm to the ground, stroking his mane to calm him. He looked around. Kel had brought her horse back under control and Lord Wyldon was trying to gather everyone's attention. 

Finally, all was calm again and everyone turned to Wyldon. "Well as you can see, Cavall still isn't safe. The first thing we do is look for survivors. Lord Raoul and Third Company will search the grounds and castle. I will take the pages and search the tunnels underground."

"Iam togo with the Own, you will go with the pages." Joren's knight-master murmured in his ear. Joren nodded silently.

As the pages went to the hidden entrance, Joren heard Neal remark, "Trust the Stump to make us walk through tunnels which could collapse any minute." Most of the older pages around him nodded.

"That's not why he did it Neal." Kel's statement made him turn towards the conversation again.

"I know Kel, I just meant…" He was abruptly cut off by Seaver.

"The Own could have gone in the tunnels and we could have gone above ground. The Stump always has to make our lives harder."

"But there aren't enough of us to search the clearing and we can move through the tunnels more easily. That is why Lord Wyldon put us there." Kel's reply was met with silence and a couple of wide-eyed stares from the younger pages who had heard.

"Every one in groups of three." Wyldon called to the pages. "And stop gawking at page Keladry."

Joren wondered if Lord Wyldon knew how much Kel seemed to admire him. Severely doubting it, Joren smirked and walked over to Kel, Neal and Owen. "Hello." This was the perfect opportunity to further his foothold on Kel.

Neal stared while Kel replied, "Yes Joren?"

"I thought I could join you and Neal." Which was definitely better than any of the other groups ofpages, even if they did drivehim insane.

"You thought wrong," interjected Neal. "We have three. Kel, Owen and myself."

At that moment Iden and Warric appeared behind Joren. "Owen," asked Warric, "could you join our group?"

Joren smirked triumphantly. "Of course he will," he told the younger page, "and I'll go with Neal and Kel." Turning to Neal and Kel, he smiled.

As he moved ahead of them, he heard Neal whisper to the Lump, "What do you think he's up to?"

"I have no idea."

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**A/N - Thanks to everyone who reviewed and a special thanks to Tuathail for betaing. Please review.**


	5. Aftershock

**Aftershock**

**Disclaimer - None of the characters, etc. belong to me. they are all Tammy's. **

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Joren watched the Lump walking ahead of him, helping search for survivors and bodies. So far, they had found neither and Joren was getting bored. Slowly reaching out to her, he pulled her into an alcove. "We've already searched here Joren," she whispered calmly, "and it's dark." Smiling to himself, he brushed his lips against hers. "Oh," was all Kel could say in reply. She seemed to straighten in the dark. "This isn't the time or place for this. Not that I want to do this anyway," she added hastily. Joren almost burst out laughing at this. Instead, he touched his lips to hers once more then led her back to the main tunnel.

Unfortunately, Neal had noticed their brief departure. "Where did you two go?"'

"I thought I had seen somebody so I asked Kel to help me check," Joren lied smoothly.

"Kel?" Obviously Neal didn't believe his version of events.

"What? Oh yes," Kel replied, coming out of a daze.

Neal eyed her suspiciously. "Are you all right, Kel? You're acting strangely."

"Of course! I'm fine," Kel replied a little too quickly. Joren looked at Neal pointedly.

Neal snorted, clearly not believing Kel, but letting the subject go as his expression changed to one of concentration. "I think I hear something," he told the other two.

The three of them continued to search, Neal guiding, Kel following, and Joren behind them both. Going into a small tunnel, Neal exclaimed, "I found some people." Kel and Joren hurried over to look. Joren put his hand over one man's chest. He was alive. Cold, but alive. Peering at the man, he gently shook him, rousing him. Joren helped the man stand and saw Neal and Kel do the same to others. There were eleven people in all and as Neal led them out of the alcove, one woman began to scream. Crying hysterically, she clutched Neal's tunic and told him her child was still there.

"M'lord, I'm sorry. Her child got buried in the rocks. We don't even know if he's alive." The young man who had spoken pulled the woman off Neal and held her.

"Do you know where the child is buried?" Joren mentally groaned. It figured that the Lump would want to go looking for the child.

"Near the entrance, m'lord." Joren smiled as he realized that Kel had been mistaken for a boy.

"Thankyou." Kel acted as if she hadn't heard the man's blunder. "Go on ahead Neal. I'll get the child and catch up."

"I'll go with you," Joren interjected. Helping the Lump in this might further his cause. "You shouldn't go alone."

"Fine," Neal agreed, "we'll wait in the main tunnel."

And so Joren and Kel went back into the alcove to find the baby. "We need light," Joren muttered halfheartedly, feeling tired.

"They need Neal more, because he has the maps to the tunnels."

"I know, I know. Just hurry up. You had to be a bleeding heart didn't you?" He had meant the words seriously, but his voice held a teasing edge to it.

"You could help," Kel suggested, lightly teasing.

"I am." Was Kel being nice to him? Joren smiled. Things were even better than he had thought. Seeing a pile of what appeared to be small boulders rather than rocks, he grabbed Kel's wrist. "There," he said simply.

Kel went over to move the large stones that had fallen against the wall of the tunnel. Joren helped her, clearing the area quickly. Reaching into a small hole in the wall, Kel retrieved a tiny child. "He's dead," Kel whispered.

"Did you find the child yet?" Joren heard Neal call.

"Yes. It's dead," Joren replied and turned around to find Kel deeper in the alcove. "Kel, what are you doing?"

"I just saw the blanket and thought…" Kel's voice broke off as the ground beneath them trembled. The commoners had started to scream. Kel pulled Joren to the side as the wall from which they'd retrieved the baby fell in, bringing down the roof of the tunnel as well. Knocked down by the tremor, Joren rose again, pulling Kel up with him.

"Kel!" Joren heard Neal's scream.

"I'm fine," Kel called back, "but we're trapped. Lead the others out."

"And what about us?" Joren whispered.

"He'll come back for us," Kel said confidently.

"Fine. I'll be back soon and I'll see if I can bring some help." Joren heard Neal move along the tunnel with the commoners. He groaned. Now he was trapped in a tunnel, alone, with the Lump. He decided he had better make the best of a bad situation.

Kel heard Joren groan and sighed. This was going to be a long day. Or was it night? It seemed like they had searched the tunnels for hours. Seeing the trapdoor that was the entrance to the tunnel, she turned to Joren. "There's a trapdoor there. Help me up." Joren didn't argue. Kel climbed up on his shoulders as she pushed the trapdoor. It wouldn't open. "Something must have fallen on it," Kel remarked as she was lowered to the ground. Joren sighed and held her arm. "Is it day still?" she asked, feeling tired.

"I don't know. There isn't much light and I can hear crickets."

"Maybe we should rest then, if it's late." Kel moved towards the dead child and wrapped him in the blanket she had found before. She then set the child in a corner and sat in another.

Joren came and sat next to her. "Are you alright?" He sounded concerned.

"I'm fine." Unconsciously, Kel shifted a little closer to him. A draught of wind blew through the alcove and Kel shivered. Wordlessly, Joren put his arm around her and drew her to him. Confused, Kel looked at him. Why was he being nice to her? Was it because he meant to be her friend or was he playing a trick on her? Kel shivered again. Surely it hadn't been this cold before?

"It must be late, if it is getting cold." Joren whispered in her ear. Kel nodded as Joren pulled her closer and kissed her. She kissed him back, having decided she quite liked his kisses and was grateful for the warmth that flooded her.

Finally Joren pulled away. "We had better go to sleep." Kel nodded and shifted so she was lying on the cold dirt. Joren moved so he was lying down beside her, facing her. "Good night"

"Good night," Kel replied, hiding her confusion. She settled and tried to sleep.

In her dream, Kel was still lying in the tunnels feeling cold. Joren had her hands in his, rubbing them and kissing them, trying to warm them. Kel smiled; the feeling was pleasant. She brushed her foot against his warm leg and he stiffened. Kel frowned as Joren groaned and rose, muttering about how she could be so cold. Joren sat at her feet and began rubbing them, trying to warm them. This is a very strange dream, Kel thought to herself sleepily, but her feet were feeling warmer. Much warmer.

Noticing Kel's dreamy smile as he moved to go back to sleep, Joren murmured in her ear. "Feeling better?"

"Yes." Joren smiled at her and kissed her. Kel kissed him back eagerly, it wasn't the first time she had dreamed of his kisses. Although, none had been quite so vivid as this. She shifted and Joren pulled her closer to him, moving his hand up her tunic. As his hand touched her bare stomach, she gasped, breaking the kiss.

Joren moved, rolling them so that Kel was on her back and Joren was on top of her. His other hand brushed her cheek. "I won't do anything you don't want to. But it's a good way to stay warm." He bent his head down and kissed her. Kel wondered again at how strange this dream was. Joren offering sex? While she didn't think it was a good idea to go along with Joren's suggestion, even in a dream, he was being quite considerate and she did want him. Besides, she thought to herself as she undid the ties to Joren's tunic, it's just a dream.

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A/N - Thank you all for reviewing and special thanks to Rosie eisoR and Tuathail for betaing this. I am also considering getting another beta too, seeing as i seem to gettinga bit short soon, so please send me an email to if you want to beta for me. 

Please review, I like to read your comments.


	6. Consequences

**Consequences**

Disclaimer - All the characters, etc. belong to Tammy.

* * *

Hours later, Kel smiled to herself sleepily, feeling quite contented. Of course, her feelings had nothing to do with her dream earlier that night. Although she doubted that that sort of thing was that pleasurable in reality, but it had still been a nice dream. Opening her eyes, she saw Joren's face looking at her. Remembering her dream, she looked away, hiding a blush. As she turned away she realized that neither she nor Joren were wearing anything. Shocked, she looked back at Joren. "What…why aren't you wearing anything?"

Joren smiled mockingly and kissed her. "You've forgotten already? Maybe I should remind you." He kissed her again, pulling her to him.

"No… we didn't." Surely it had been a dream. It wasn't real.

"But we did, Kel," he murmured, kissing her neck, "and I wouldn't mind repeating the experiment."

"No, we can't."

"Why not?" Kel desperately tried to find a reason.

"I, uh…" A thought struck her and she froze. "I don't have a pregnancy charm," she whispered, genuinely afraid.

Joren froze. "You didn't tell me that before," he said slowly.

"I didn't realize. I…" Kel faltered. "I thought it was a dream."

"A dream." Joren's voice was incredulous. "Tell me, do you have many such dreams?"

Kel blushed. "No. I must have been half asleep and…"

"Kel!" Neal cut off her explanations. "I'm back!"

"As if we hadn't guessed." Joren muttered as he stood. "Hurry up and get us out." He started to dress.

Kel rose and dressed. "The rubble above the door is being cleared. They'll open it in a minute." It was only then Kel realized that Neal's voice was coming from above them. Impulsively, and rather stupidly, she thought afterwards, she kissed Joren. She stepped away just as the trapdoor was opened and light poured through.

Joren was lost in thought as, first Kel, then he was pulled up out of the tunnel. How could he have bedded the Lump, of all people? Then to find she was a virgin, too late, as well as being fool enough to forget to check if she had a pregnancy charm. Not to mention that this morning, she had claimed she thought it was a dream. Had it been that forgettable or was it the truth? He suspected it was the truth, which then led him to wonder if she would have slept with him if she had been awake. After all, she had refused him this morning, although that was because of the charm. Suddenly it hit him that Kel might fall pregnant. What would they do if that happened? Thinking over it, he realised he did not know what to do if that happened.

* * *

The next few weeks passed rather uneventfully, as the Own and the pages helped rebuild the parts of Cavall ruined by the earthquake. Joren seemed to keep his distance from her, saying hello occasionally and kissing her only twice. Most of their work had been completed and as winter was about to set in, the pages headed back to Corus. After lunch on the first day of travelling, Kel felt a little ill. Dismounting, she found a bush and vomited, feeling even worse afterwards.

Neal came up behind her. "Are you alright?" he asked, concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine." But for the rest of the day, she threw up everything she ate.

Even Lord Wyldon had noticed. "Why don't you go see Duke Baird? I don't want the other pages getting ill too."

Taking her leave, she went to find Duke Baird, telling him what had been happening to her all day. Duke Baird frowned. "That is rather odd, Kel. It could be some sort of sickness, but nobody else is similarly ill, and my Gift says you are in perfect health."

Kel nodded. "Then what is wrong with me, Your Grace?"

"If I may, Kel?" Kel nodded and the Duke inspected her more closely with his Gift. He frowned. "It isn't really my place to discuss such matters Kel, but, have you had a physical relationship with anyone?"

Kel looked at him. "Just once. I'm not…" Kel faltered, hoping it wasn't true.

"Pregnant? I'm afraid so Kel." She nodded dumbly, ashamed to meet the Duke's eyes. "You will have to tell Lord Wyldon and whoever the father is."

"I won't be a knight." Kel fought to appear calm.

"I'm afraid not. Lord Wyldon won't let you stay once he finds out."

Kel nodded. "I have to tell the others too."

"It would help if your friends knew. They'll help you get through this. Especially Neal."

She smiled weakly. "Neal will kill me."

"It will be alright," said Duke Baird, putting his hand on her shoulder. "I know it's hard and it will change your life dramatically, but a child can also bring a lot of joy."

Rising, Kel smoothed her tunic. "Thank you, Your Grace. If I may ask, may I tell my Lord Wyldon after I reach Corus?"

"Of course. I will check on you in a few days, just to make sure you are fine. But I will not tell anyone about it. Not even Neal."

"Thank you, Your Grace." Bowing, she left the healer's tent. She waited until she reached her own tent before collapsing on the bedroll, crying.

* * *

Kel meditated by the lake. She had avoided Joren for the last few days, not knowing how to tell him. He'll kill me, she thought, remembering his look of horror as he had realized the possibility that morning. Lost in thought, she didn't hear the person behind her. Too late, she heard the footsteps and turned, to face Joren. "What are you doing here?"

"I haven't seen you in a while." He sat next to her and put his arm around her. 'I was hoping to renew our acquaintance." He kissed her.

Kel froze. She couldn't do this yet, but she had to tell him. "Joren."

"What?" he asked impatiently. "You've been avoiding me the last few days and now you're being all…Lump-ish, again. Why?"

Kel blinked. She hadn't thought he'd noticed. "You remember what happened in the tunnels?"

"Yes, I do. But maybe you can remind me," Joren replied with a smirk.

Sighing, Kel told him, "I'm pregnant."

Joren recoiled and gasped at her in shock. "Are you sure?"

"Duke Baird told me the day we left Cavall and confirmed it yesterday," Kel replied.

"So that's why you've been avoiding me." Kel nodded. Joren put his arms around her and drew her close. "It's okay. We can get married and…have you told Lord Wyldon yet?"

"No I haven't told Lord Wyldon yet. I'm waiting until after we get back to Corus. And we can't get married."

"Why not? I'm not going to have a bastard child, Kel. I have some honour, and I would hope you had at least that much self-respect," Joren growled, slightly annoyed.

"Nobody will believe it and I don't want to be trapped in a loveless marriage."

"We can put on an act for everyone else. At least we're friends so if we went a few steps further…and think of the child, Kel. Marrying you wasn't exactly part of my plans either." Kel grimaced. She didn't like the idea of lying to her friends. "Come on, we're probably being missed." Standing, he helped Kel up and they went back to their tents, Kel feeling even more confused than before.

* * *

**A/N - Thank you for reviewing and special thanks to Rosie eisoR and Tuathail for betaing, I'm still looking for a beta, so email me or tell me in your review if you want to beta. Please review. I like reviews.**


	7. Suspicion

**Chapter 7** **- Suspicion**

Disclaimer - None of the characters, etc. belong to me. They are all Tammy's.

* * *

Joren was preoccupied as he went to his tent. His mind replayed the scene by the lake again and again. While he had known it was a possibility and had thought about it and planned for it, he had never expected it to happen and he was nowhere near as calm about it as he had acted when Kel told him. A wave of anger washed over him as a thought came into his mind. Kel had avoided him. Had she planned on not telling him? Or leave him to somehow find out on his own? A calm voice reminded him, but she did tell you. She was probably afraid of how you would react. 

Joren glowered as his anger washed away. He knew this was true, but when did his mind take her side? Sharpening his belt knife, he reflected on his decision to marry Kel. Firstly, he had to think of himself. Marrying Kel would mean being stuck with the Lump for the rest of his life. However there would be a lot less of a scandal for him to do that than to have the possibly future Lady Knight having his bastard child. However, he reasoned that knight training was over for the Lump. For that he was glad – it would prove that women were not meant to be knights and only whores would try. But that was unfair, his mind reasoned. She was a virgin until you took advantage of her and through your irresponsibility she became pregnant. Joren frowned at this second self-betrayal. Running his fingers through his hair, he left his tent for dinner. At least tormenting Kel would be fun.

* * *

Kel sighed as she left her tent. Now Joren knew. After getting her food, she sat between Neal and Owen. She was arguing with Neal over the necessity of eating peas when a voice broke through. "May I sit here?" Joren eyed Kel questioningly. Wordlessly, Kel shifted to make room for him. "Thank you." Joren was being overly polite. She could see Neal's frown as he eyed Joren suspiciously. Kel looked at Joren reproachfully. Ignoring her, Joren began to eat. Following his lead, Kel shifted closer to Joren and resumed her discussion with Neal. Joren merely sat there, eating and smirking at Neal. 

Unfortunately for Joren, Neal noticed his behaviour and exacted his revenge. "Joren hasn't touched his peas."

"So?" Joren obviously hadn't been listening to the conversation.

"Eat your vegetables Joren. They're good for you." Kel said, smiling at him, but there was warning in her eyes.

"You sound like my old nursemaid," Joren scowled, "and they taste horrible."

"Fine." Kel turned to Neal. She didn't particularly care if Joren ate his vegetables or not.

"If he doesn't have to eat it, neither do I," Neal put in quickly. Kel sighed. Trust Neal to be difficult.

"If it means Queenscove will do it, I'll eat the peas." Kel turned to Joren, who smirked and put his arm around her shoulders. "Anything for my lady." After finishing the meal, he whispered in her ear. "Come to my tent tonight. We have a few things to discuss." Before she could reply, Joren stood and went back to his tent.

"What was that about?" asked Seaver.

"He was just being friendly," replied Kel.

"No, there was more to it," Neal said, suspicious.

"Joren's never nice," chimed in Owen.

"Especially not to you Kel," added Merric.

"Well maybe he has changed," Kel said defensively.

"And the Black God wears white," retorted Neal. "Maybe I should have a look at you. You must be ill if you're defending Joren."

"No, I'm fine," Kel said quickly. Neal had noticed her morning sickness and kept insisting on checking she was alright. She finally told Neal that his father had said she was fine so that he would stop pestering her about it. Kel didn't want to be found out like that.

"You seem to be acting strangely Kel. And you've thrown up most of this trip. Maybe Father missed something or something has happened since then." The others nodded in agreement with Neal.

"If you want, I'll go see Duke Baird this evening, if you promise to leave me be."

"Fine. And tell Father I want him to tell me what's wrong with you."

Kel's heart sank. She doubted Duke Baird would lie to his son on her account. "Fine." She stood and left her friends to find Duke Baird.

* * *

'Your Grace.' Kel bowed. 'May I speak with you for a moment?' 

"Of course, Kel," Duke Baird replied kindly. "What's wrong?"

"Neal's noticed my throwing up and, er, slight changes in behaviour. He is certain I'm terribly ill and…"

Duke Baird cut her off. "Of course, I would think it's hard to miss, but can I ask what you mean by changes in behaviour?"

"Well I told the father and he suggested we get married. And that we pretend we're falling in love."

Neal's father nodded. "That doesn't seem so strange. Of course, you don't have to marry if you don't wish to." Kel nodded. "May I ask who the father is?"

It was all Kel could do to keep from cringing. "Joren of Stone Mountain."

"Who?"

"Joren of Stone Mountain. He's Lord Paxton's – "

"Yes I know who he is, but I thought that the two of you hated each other?"

"We do, I mean, did. It was an accident and…" Kel was cut off again.

"So this is why Neal's suspicious," Duke Baird stated.

"Yes."

"Is there anything in particular you want me to tell him?"

Kel could have kissed him. "No, Your Grace. Just tell him I'm well and to leave me be."

Duke Baird laughed. "Very well." He sobered. "You will tell Neal later, though?"

"Yes, after I get to Corus."

"Good. Now you should go rest. I'll handle my pestering son."

"Thank you, Your Grace. For everything." Kel bowed and left before the duke could reply. But what to do with Joren…she shook her head. She had no idea what to do about him.

* * *

A/N - Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Special thanks to Rosie eisoR and Tuathail for betaing for me. I'm still looking for a beta, so tell me if you're interested in your review or email me. Please review, I do like to know what you think. 


	8. Obstacles

Chapter8 - Obstacles

Disclaimer - None of the characters, etc. belong to me. They are all Tammy's.

* * *

Joren waited in his tent impatiently. Lord Paxton had retired a while ago but the Lump had yet to arrive. Finally he gave up and prepared to go to sleep. Settling in his bedroll, he heard a voice outside his tent calling him. Grumbling, Joren put on his robe and opened the tent flap. Kel scrambled in. "What took you so long?" Joren whispered furiously.

"Lord Wyldon and Duke Baird were talking in Lord Wyldon's tent. I couldn't leave until they went to sleep, in case Lord Wyldon caught me"

"Fine. We need to discuss what to do next."

"What do you think we should do?"

Now she was getting annoying. "I don't know, Lump. Why did you think I'm asking you?" he whispered, closing the tent flap.

"Don't call me Lump, Joren. If this is going to work, we have to get along."

Why did she always have to be right? "Fine then, Keladry."

"My friends call me Kel."

'And am I your friend?" he asked earnestly as he looked at her questioningly. "Because I don't want a Lump for a friend."

Kel let her Yamani mask slip to reveal her uncertainty."I think you're the only friend I have at the moment. Do you want to be my friend?"

Seeing her vulnerability in her eyes, Joren suddenly felt a desire to comfort Kel. "I want to be your friend Kel." He pulled her to him and stroked her hair as if she were a child. She hesitantly put her arms around him, still not completely sure she could trust him. Slowly, she pulled away from him. "We still need to talk Kel."

":I know."

"When do you want to get married? I can have it arranged for a few days after we arrive in Corus."

"I want my parents there."

"It's almost winter Kel. That can't happen unless you wait for a few months and we don't have that time."

"I guess not." Kel hid her disappointment. "I still have to tell them though."

Joren nodded. "You can write to them once we've reached Corus."

"What about your parents? When will you tell them?" Kel asked curiously.

He sighed. This was a discussion he didn't want to have. "I'll write to them once we reach Corus as well. Although I want to warn you Kel, don't expect a warm welcome. My father would most likely disown me once he finds out. The only reason he might not is because I'm his heir and you might be carrying my son. Even so, he'll make your life a misery when we're at Stone Mountain. We won't stay there often however, I think it would be best if we stayed in Corus most of the time, seeing as I won't be at Stone Mountain often myself." Joren fell silent after this speech, waiting for Kel to respond.

"You've thought through this a lot, haven't you?" Kel seemed surprised.

"I never do anything on impulse Kel, I always think everything through before doing it."

"Never?" Kel looked at him. She gestured at her stomach. "Are you telling me you planned this?" Her voice held a teasing note to it, even though her face was serious.

"Oh, of course Kel. Didn't you know? I'm secretly in love with you. By getting you pregnant, not only do I stop you from being a knight, I get to keep you as well." He laughed softly, pulling her to him. "Well, not always, but something like this… I don't want to do something we'll both regret," Joren said seriously.

Kel nodded. "I should go now," she said, pulling away.

"You don't need to go yet." Joren kissed her.

"No." Kel pulled away.

"Why not?**"** Joren asked. "You're already pregnant and nobody will know if you leave now or later."

"It's not a good idea Joren and I'm not interested."

"Not interested? You seemed fairly interested that night in the tunnel, Kel, and I also want a wife who is willing to share my bed."

Kel grimaced. "We're not married yet."

"We might as well be." Joren kissed her teasingly, trying to get Kel to respond. Finally she did and he pulled her down onto the bedroll.

Ages later, he was roused as Kel moved to leave. He kissed her. "Goodnight." It would be best to get closer to Kel, even if not for the same reasons as before. Hopefully, they would be able to get along.

"Goodnight." Kel left the tent.

* * *

The next morning, Kel felt a lot better. She supposed it was because she had told Joren and settled everything. It definitely did not have anything to with her spending the night in Joren's tent, she told herself.

At lunch time, Neal noticed Kel's cheerfulness. "I'm glad you're feeling better, but why don't you eat?" Kel had been skipping lunch so she didn't get such terrible morning sickness.

Briefly, Kel thought of telling him, but decided against it. While he was her best friend, she wasn't sure that she wanted to talk to another male about it yet. It had been embarrassing enough talking about it with Duke Baird and Joren. She wanted to talk about it, tell somebody about her wonder at the new life growing inside her, her growing sentiment towards her child, how she was almost certain it was a boy. But she doubted Neal was the right person to tell. So she would wait until they returned to Corus, where she could tell Lalasa. "Did your father tell you I was fine?" Kel instead replied teasingly. "I'm not hungry."

"Kel you should eat something. You might get hungry later otherwise."

"I don't think so."

"Kel, for once I agree with Queenscove." Joren had come up from behind her, holding two plates of food. He handed one to her. "Eat. You shouldn't be skipping meals."

"I get sick if I eat lunch Joren," Kel replied calmly.

"So you're not eating lunch ever again?" Neal remarked incredulously.

"I will, just not yet." She offered the plate to Joren.

"No. I talked to Duke Baird this morning and he said you couldn't afford to skip meals." He pushed the plate in her hands towards her.

'Why were you discussing Kel with my father?' Neal asked suspiciously.

Joren's eyes widened. "Uh, I wasn't discussing Kel, just how some women like to skip meals so they look thinner. But knights need strength and need to eat. Especially females who want to try to be knights," Joren said hastily.

Kel's face went blank. She missed the rest of the conversation. For some reason, that last bit hurt, and she knew it wasn't just that she had started to trust him. Joren turned to her as Neal walked away, muttering about arrogant squires. "You haven't eaten yet Kel. And you're being a Lump again."

She sneered at him. "I'll never be a good knight to you, will I? And you ruined my one chance to prove you wrong. I would have been as good a knight as you will be, if not better. But I'm a girl, so I couldn't possibly be any good at fighting, could I?" With that, she walked away, leaving Joren staring at her retreating back, shaking his head.

* * *

A/N - Thank for reviewing guys. Special thanks to Rosie eisoR and Tuathail for betaing for me. I'm still looking for a beta, so tell me if you're interested. Please review! 


	9. Friends?

**Chapter 9 - Friends?**

_Disclaimer - Tortall and it's characters are the property of Tamora Pierce._

* * *

Joren watched as she walked away and groaned. Now what was wrong with the Lump? Chasing after her, he found her grooming her monster of a horse. Taking care to stay out of the way of the horse, he asked calmly, "Kel. Do you want to tell me what that was about?" The words were bland, but his tone made it obvious that he was annoyed. Kel ignored him, continuing to groom the horse. "If you don't tell me what I did wrong, I can't fix it. In case you forgot, we are supposed to be trying to get along."

"Why can't you accept that women can fight?" she asked calmly, her eyes not leaving her horse.

"Kel, you can't make me change everything I believe in just because I got you pregnant. I'm a conservative, from a conservative family. I was born a conservative. If anything, you should be trying to agree with my point of view."

"What?" Kel turned to him. "You don't expect me to do that. Do you?" she demanded.

"No. I said we were trying to get along. But you can't expect me to do change my views either."

"I guess you're right," Kel conceded.

"Good. Now that we understand each other…" He leaned in and kissed her.

"Anybody could see us," Kel hissed, pulling away.

"So?" He pulled her closer while her horse eyed them curiously.

"Peachblossom, bite him," ordered Kel. The horse, contrary as ever, blew a raspberry in the air. Joren smirked.

"Have you seen my squire about, Wyldon?" His smirk was immediately replaced by a scowl. With a quick kiss, he strode off. Finding his knight-master, Joren was told to polish Lord Paxton's armour. As he did, Joren wondered why he was so physically attracted to Kel. Whenever he was near her, he was unable to control his need to touch her, to kiss her, while she had no problems in keeping a firm check on her desire. He knew that she did feel that same desire for him, if only from the short amounts of time they had spent together. At least he knew that if he had to spend the rest of his life with Kel, she was a real thinking person, not just the Lump he had known before. Joren had come to terms with his fate, shameful that it was, and found that he did not mind it all that much.

* * *

Kel lay in her bedroll that night, thinking about Joren. She knew she had feelings for him, although she didn't know exactly what they were. While she knew she didn't love him, she also felt something more than friendship towards him, even though they had never truly been friends.) Kel slowly came to the realisation that neither of them knew the other very well. Wondering what Joren's reaction to her actions would be, she opened her tent flap and after checking that nobody was nearby, went outside and silently went over to Joren's tent. Upon reaching it, she called his name softly.He opened the tent flap and raised his eyebrows in silent question. Joren closed the tent flap, wearing a self-satisfied smirk on his face. He leaned in to kiss her, but she pushed him away. "I didn't come here for that." 

Joren arched an eyebrow at her. "Why then?"

"I thought that we should try to learn a bit more about each other, seeing as we are getting married."

He sighed in resignation. "What did you want to know?"

"I don't know. Just tell me things about you."

"Such as?"

Kel sighed. "My favourite weapon is the glaive, I spent six years in the Yamani Isles, I like maths and hate poetry and my favourite colour is red."

He looked at her derisively but humoured her. "My favourite weapon is the sword, I hate etiquette and Master Yayin and my favourite colour is blue. Now, tell me Kel, why do you want to be a knight?"

"I want to learn to fight."

"But why? What made you decide to learn to fight?" Kel quickly told him t about the golden swords and how she saw her mother guard then from Scanran raiders until the Yamani guards came. She briefly wondered how Joren would react as nobody, not even Neal, had heard that story.

Joren nodded slowly. "So what will you do now?"

"Nothing, I guess. Become a 'proper' lady. Nobody else will take me now. They all want people who are unattached," Kel said bitterly despite herself.

"There's nothing wrong with being a lady, Kel."

She scowled at him. "I'm not in the least bit lady like. Could you really see me in the convent?"

He looked at her thoughtfully, then began to laugh softly. "You're right. I could see Queenscove in the convent more easily than you." Kel continued to scowl. This was not what she had planned. She pushed him on the bedroll. Chuckling, he grabbed her waist and pulled her to him down to him, "It's notjust that youare unfeminine, despite your dresses," said Joren, his fingers tracing her neck, "Ican't see you curtseying and flirting either."

Her breath hitched as his hand moved behind her neck. "I see," she said as coldly as she could.

"A lady's life isn't too boring Kel. And you'll be busy raising our children as well."

"Children?" She looked at him pointedly.

"Well, I would like for us to have more than one child," Joren replied, interpreting her question correctly. "It's quite fun making them too," he added suggestively.

"Really?" said Kel archly. Joren didn't bother to answer. He pulled her head down and kissed her.

* * *

A/N - Thanks heaps to Carrie from the Dove. This chapter has been split which is why it is a tad shorter (not much though). Please review, I adore reviews. 


	10. Wedding

**Chapter 10 - Wedding**

_Disclaimer - Tortall and it's characters are the property of Tamora Pierce._

* * *

"My lady, welcome back," Lalasa looked up from her sewing to smile at Kel. "You must be tired. Should I run you a bath?" 

Kel smiled gratefully. "That would be good. Thank you." As she lay in the tub, she wondered how it was that Lalasa always knew exactly what she needed.

Getting dressed, she found Lalasa sitting by the fire, tending a small pot. "I thought you might like some tea," said Lalasa, offering her a small cup. Accepting the cup, she asked Lalasa about her dressmaking, and in turn, Lalasa asked Kel about the earthquake.

After some time the pair lapsed into a comfortable silence and Kel felt Lalasa's eyes studying her. But as Kel's eyes met Lalasa's, the maid averted her eyes, pretending to be interested in her cup of tea. Slightly confused, Kel took a sip from her own cup, and felt Lalasa's eyes upon her again. "Is something wrong?"

Lalasa blushed. "No, my lady." Her eyes flickered over Kel. "Well, yes," she began tentatively, "but I know I'm wrong, and besides, it isn't any of my business."

"There is no such thing as a silly question. What did you want to ask?"

"My lady, umm…" she faltered. "Are you pregnant?" Lalasa blurted. Kel froze in shock. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I know it was a silly question," Lalasa, babbled, misunderstanding Kel's reaction.

"No, no, it's not a silly question," Kel said slowly. "But how did you guess?"

"Well, you have gained a little bit of weight. Your shirt isn't sitting quite right, and you have a bit of a glow, like you do after your morning exercises. But I know that doesn't mean you are pregnant. I didn't mean to upset you. I don't know why I asked, seeing as how, you don't even have a suitor."

Kel looked at Lalasa quizzically. "But I am pregnant."

"You are?" Lalasa gaped in shock. "Whose child is it?"

"One of the squires. I don't think you have met him." Any further discussion was cut short by a knock on the door.

* * *

Joren knocked on the door impatiently. Kel let him in, but stopped him from closing the door. "Lord Wyldon's rules," she reminded him. He gave a derisive snort, but left the door open. 

"I wanted to talk to you," he nodded at her maid. "Alone"

The maid began to rise, but Kel motioned for her to sit down. "Whatever you have to say to me can be told to Lalasa," she said directly.

"She's a maid. Gods know who she'll go running to with such gossip."

"Lalasa has my trust. Lalasa, this is Joren of Stone Mountain, the father of my child." Joren gaped at her.

"The one who bullied the pages?" Lalasa blurted, ducking and blushing when she felt Joren's glare upon her.

Kel grimaced. "Yes."

"How could you tell a common maid such things? But I should have known, you being a jumped up merchant…" he remembered that he was trying to get along with the Lump. "Besides, I wasn't bullying them, it was merely hazing, which is a long-held tradition amongst the pages." Kel's face was blank. "I came to tell you that I have organised everything. The wedding will be in two days' time, two bells after dinner. All you have to do is arrive at the temple. Don't be late."

"I'll be there," Kel said stiffly.

Joren considered her for a moment, then forced an apologetic smile on his face. "I didn't mean to insult you before." Yet, even he heard the hollow ring of insincerity in his words. He had merely taken his frustrations out on her, but he felt neither satisfaction nor remorse for his words. Moving closer to her, he gave her a swift kiss and left.

* * *

Lalasa moved to close the door. "You're going to marry him, my lady?" 

"Yes. It's what's best for the child. Lord Wyldon won't let me stay once I tell him, so I don't know how often I'll be in Corus. If you like, you could come with me to Stone Mountain, " Kel said carefully, avoiding mention of Joren.

Her maid smiled. "If that is what you wish, my lady. Now if you don't mind, we should start on your dress."

"My dress?" Kel looked at her in confusion.

"Your wedding dress."

"But you have all those other dresses – "

"Don't worry about that, my lady. But it will have to be simple because there is so little time left," she straightened. "Now I want to check your measurements again," Lalasa said firmly. Kel did as her maid bid, the reality of what she was about to do settling in. Fear and uncertainty rose in her, but she pushed it away firmly, resolving to enjoy these last few days as a page with her friends.

* * *

A couple of days later, Kel was wearing her wedding gown, which was a simple white dress, perfectly fitted to her. It was nothing stunning, but Kel admired herself in the mirror, deciding that she did look pretty, before donning a brown cloak to hide the dress. They had decided, at Kel's insistence, to wait until after the wedding to tell everyone. She knew it was just another delaying tactic, but she didn't care. Walking down the hallway as she left for the temple, Kel worried about her friend's reactions. Absorbed in her thoughts, she didn't hear the footsteps behind her and her world suddenly went black. 

Joren waited impatiently at the temple of Mithros. Kel was supposed to have arrived over half an hour ago. Giving up, he left the temple, furious that Kel had left him waiting at the altar.

* * *

**A/N - I know it has been a while since I updated, Hopefully the next update won't take too long. Thanks to Tuathail for betaing and to all those who reviewed. Please review, I like to hear your thoughts and I can see what I'm doing wrong/right in the fic as well.**


	11. Attack

**Chapter 11 - Attack**

_Disclaimer - Tortall and its characters are the property of Tamora Pierce._

**NB - The rating for this fic has changed as of the start of this chapter. This fic is now rated T.**

* * *

As Joren arrived at his rooms, he saw a note pinned to the door. Still furious, he was about to rip the note to shreds, before realising that his name was written in Zahir's familiar scrawl. Ripping off the seal, he scanned the note and began walking down the corridor to the place specified in the note, some of his anger being replaced by curiosity. 

Joren opened the door and was shocked by what he saw. Zahir was arguing with Vinson and Garvey. On the wall hung a battered Kel, chained and unconscious. Her white dress had been torn to shreds and stained with blood, amongst other things. He crossed the room and pulled Vinson and Zahir apart. "What happened?" Joren knew, but wanted to be sure.

"Well, the Lump interfered while I tried to have a little fun with her whore of a maid, so we thought to teach her a lesson. We had a little fun with her too," Vinson declared proudly.

Resisting the urge to thrash Vinson, he said calmly, "Where are the keys?" Vinson handed the keys to him silently, smirking. Joren crossed over to Kel and started unlocking the chains on her ankles.

"What are you doing?" asked Vinson, shocked.

"Taking her to a healer. She's half dead." He removed her last wrist-shackle and grabbed Kel as her body fell limply. Holding her gently, he whirled and left the room.

Vinson ran and grabbed Joren's arm. "If either of you say anything, I'll make sure her maid pays," he threatened. Joren continued down the corridor, ignoring him.

* * *

Finally, he reached the healer's wing. As Duke Baird saw Kel's body, his eyes widened and he ushered Joren into a small room. Laying her down on the bed, he glanced at Duke Baird, who was busy examining Kel. "Who did this?" the healer asked, shocked. 

"I think it would be best for Kel to say."

"Did you do this?" Duke Baird demanded. "To get rid of the baby?" He looked at Joren accusingly.

"What? No! I was waiting for her at the temple when... wait, do you mean she lost the baby?" Joren's head spun.

"Yes. She's also badly injured. It will be quite a while before she can resume training." His face was still fixed in anger as he gently began healing the worst of Kel's wounds.

Joren sat by the bed and stroked her hair, which was sticky with blood. "Her maid needs to know, and Lord Wyldon. At least she hadn't told him yet."

"She hadn't told him yet?" He sounded surprised.

"Nobody. Not even Neal. Her maid guessed she was pregnant and Kel didn't try to hide it."

"I guess that was for the best. Now tell Lord Wyldon and her maid, make your excuses to Lord Paxton and return here. Unless, of course, you do not wish to return."

"I'll come back." He twisted a lock of Kel's hair absently. "How long can I stay?"

"As long as you want."

"Thank you, for helping her." Joren rose, bowed and left.

Lord Wyldon was not impressed. "What do you mean, Mindelan is in the healer's wing? Only I can approve healers. And why is she there?"

"She was, uh, attacked."

"Be a bit more precise, Stone Mountain." Lord Wyldon's voice was steely.

"She was kidnapped, then chained and assaulted."

"How did this happen?"

"I do not know, my lord."

"Who did this?"

"It is not my place to say, my lord." While Joren didn't want to protect Vinson and Garvey, he did think it should be Kel's decision to put her maid's life in danger.

* * *

Joren sighed as he watched Kel's maid weep. "This is all my fault. My Lady tried to help me, just like I wanted her to and now they hurt her. It was them, wasn't it?" He nodded slowly and the young girl collapsed into sobs again. Awkwardly, Joren tried to comfort her, but she shied away. "May I see her?" Again, he nodded. "Thank you." 

"I'll take you to her. It's probably not safe for you to be here alone anyway, er…." He tried to think of her name.

"Lalasa, sir."

"Lalasa." Joren tried to fix the name in his memory. He had never known the names of the commoners, not even those who had helped raise him in Stone Mountain. Although, he thought to himself dryly, Kel probably knows the name of every commoner she's ever met, even the servants. With a sigh, he followed Lalasa out of the room and closed the door behind him.

* * *

Lord Wyldon and Duke Baird were talking in the small room when Joren and Lalasa arrived a short while later. Kel was still unconscious, although she appeared to be well. Duke Baird informed Joren and Lalasa that while Kel was healed, she might not wake up for some time, if at all. "How did she get healed so quickly?" He was confused as to how the Duke had healed her so quickly and yet seemed to be partially awake. 

"Kel was close to dying once or twice during her healing. I needed the assistance of a few more healers to keep her alive, so they stayed and helped heal her too," Duke Baird replied.

"You should tell us who did this, Joren," added Lord Wyldon.

"It isn't my place to tell," said Joren firmly.

"What about the – " Joren clamped his hand around her mouth.

"No. Gone. Kel barely survived herself," he said softly in her ear and released her.

As her mind registered the thought, she started weeping again. "This is all my fault. You must hate me." She said the last to Joren, collapsing into sobs again.

"I don't hate you. You didn't make them do it." Again, he tried to console her, but she shied away with a whimper.

"Tell me when my Lady wakes up, if I'm not back. I have to finish Lady Oranie's gown."

Joren nodded. "I'll stay with Kel. I already left a note for my Lord."

"Very well." Lord Wyldon gave a brief nod. He looked at Kel. "If only she'd been a boy."

"What do you mean?"

"She'd have made an excellent boy."

Joren snorted. "I think she likes being a girl too much to be a boy."

Lord Wyldon smiled. "Maybe. I'll come by later to check up on her."

"As will I," added Duke Baird. They rose. "I trust that I can leave you here alone with her?"

"Yes, your Grace."

"Very well. Make sure you eat something and get some sleep." Duke Baird followed Lord Wyldon out of the room. Joren lightly kissed Kel's forehead before sitting in a chair beside her bed to wait for her to wake up.

* * *

**AN - We've hit 100 reviews! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and poked me to remind me to update. Hopefully, I will be updating sooner from now. Also a big thank you to Cesy for betaing. Please Review!**


	12. Waking

**Chapter 12 - Waking**

_Disclaimer - Tortall and its characters are the property of Tamora Pierce._

* * *

Kel's mind replayed the scene in her head. They beat her again and again, taunting her, hurting her. She held her Yamani mask tight; she wouldn't let them see her pain. Finally, Vinson threw another punch at her head and everything faded to black. But this time it didn't. This time, as the blow came to her head, she felt the softest kiss upon her hand. Startled, Kel's eyes flew open. Her wrists and ankles were no longer shackled. Vinson and Garvey were gone. Looking around, she saw Joren holding her hand. "Where am I?"

"The healer's wing. How do you feel?" Joren sounded concerned.

"I'm fine." Kel was feeling a bit more awake now, although she was a little thirsty. "May I have some water?" He handed her a glass and she drank greedily. Her limbs protested as she tried to sit up. "How well am I?" she asked cautiously.

"Duke Baird said no knight training for most of the winter. You're as weak as a kitten," he said lightly.

Kel sighed, her fingers stroking the glass. "Not that it matters. Soon I'll be finished with knight training anyway."

"Actually, Kel, we need to talk about that."

She looked up at him, confused.

"You're alive and well, but the baby," he took a deep breath, "the baby didn't make it."

Kel's head spun. "No," she whispered, "you're lying."

"I'm sorry, but it's true." Joren moved to sit behind her on the bed and held her. It was too much for Kel. First Vinson and Garvey's attack, and now this…tears formed in her eyes. She buried her face in Joren's shirt and began to cry. Joren held her silently, stroking her hair. Neither of them noticed Neal standing in the doorway, gaping at the sight before him.

Finally, Kel lifted her head. Still stroking her hair, Joren kissed her forehead. "It will be alright, Kel."

"I know." She looked at him in silent question. Understanding what she wanted, he kissed her softly, pulling her closer. Kel kissed him back, grateful for the warmth and comfort that flooded her. Slowly she sank into him, into the familiarity of his body. Her hand slipped under Joren's tunic and he inhaled sharply as her hand touched his stomach. Gently pulling away, he brushed his lips against hers and resumed holding her. "How did they get you?" he whispered against her hair.

"I was walking from the temple when something heavy hit me from behind. Then I woke up and I was chained to the wall. You know what happened next."

Joren nodded. "Wyldon wants to know who did it."

"You didn't tell him?"

"That .was for you to decide. They said that if either of us said anything, they would kill Lalasa. I couldn't take that risk without your permission. She is your maid, your property, not mine." Kel nodded thoughtfully. "I also asked Lord Wyldon to ask Neal to look after Lalasa."

"I can't take that risk. Soon I will be a squire, then what will happen? I can't always be watching Lalasa."

"They'll be in the mines by then."

"That doesn't mean they can't hire somebody to kill her." Joren fell silent, her comment reminding him of his plan to get rid of Kel.

"You're right," he conceded. "You'll be a squire. But you don't have to do this, you can still leave."

Kel scowled at him. "I still want to be a knight, Joren, I'm not leaving."

"Are you sure I can't convince you otherwise? It isn't as if you couldn't attract a husband, Kel. You could marry someone like Raoul or Cleon or one of those other big fellows. But what if you get maimed or scarred? Nobody will want you then."

Looking at the ground, Kel replied blandly, "I'll marry who I want, when I want, if I want. And my marriage prospects are none of your business."

"Lump."

"What?"

"You're being a Lump again," he said waspishly. "I'm not your enemy, I'm trying to think of you."

"You are not. You just want me to leave because of your ridiculous conservative principles."

"At least I have principles."

Kel had had enough. "Go."

"What?"

"Go. I need some rest."

"Duke Baird said somebody had to stay with you."

"Get Neal then."

"Fine." Joren's eyes glittered dangerously.

"What are you doing here, Joren?" drawled Neal as he walked into the room.

"Watching Kel. Seeing as how you weren't able to come by," Joren replied, slightly defensive.

"How are you feeling, Kel? I'd have come earlier, but you know what the Stump is like. He said only I could come by." He grinned wickedly. "Cleon came back today too. He said to tell you that your absence was like the emptiness of the desert, oh pearl of my heart," he drawled in a player-like manner. Kel grinned, forgetting Joren.

Joren watched Kel's face light up as she and Neal talked, feeling a small pang of an emotion he could not place. Now it seemed he was back to his original plan once again. But as he watched Kel smile and laugh with Neal, he almost, almost, wished that he were the one she was smiling at and laughing with. His ice-blue eyes flashed dangerously as he left the healer's wing.

* * *

**A/N - A big thank you to all the people that reviewed and to Cesy and Tuathail for betaing. Please review! .**


	13. Recovery

**Chapter 13 - Recovery**

_Disclaimer - Tortall and its characters, etc. are the property of Tamora Pierce._

* * *

Over the next few days, Joren visited Kel often. He tried to avoid her friends, who usually visited after dinner. His own days were kept busy by his knight-master. Even though Lord Paxton didn't hold Joren accountable for his free time, Joren suspected that he knew something had happened by his cautious avoidance of Vinson and Garvey. So, he visited Kel late at night, even though she was often asleep. Her maid seemed to spend most of her time in the infirmary as well, sewing quietly by Kel's bedside. They rarely spoke to one another, even after the maid seemed to grow accustomed to his presence. Sometimes she would fall asleep in her chair, her sewing in her lap.

Despite the blanket of snow surrounding the city, Lord Paxton had decided that the two of them would ride north to investigate the troubles at the border. Joren packed, then went to the healer's wing to say goodbye, but Kel was asleep. Not wanting to disturb her, he gave her a soft kiss and handed her maid a small package._ Her name is Lalasa_, he reminded himself. Remembering her name shouldn't be important, but it was. Just as when he looked at her sewing, so innocent and peaceful, a part of him nagged at him to not hurt her, to find another way to get rid of Kel. Lalasa smiled at him as she took the package and wished him a safe journey. He gave a small nod and left. As he turned away, he knew in his heart that he could not kidnap Lalasa to make Kel fail. It was wrong. Joren could not see why it was wrong or how he had come to realisation; only that it was true. He would have to find another way.

Kel walked back to her room with the aid of Neal and Lalasa. Duke Baird had finally let her leave the healer's wing, but not before lecturing her on the importance of building up her strength slowly. After settling Kel in her room and a visit from the other pages and squires, Lalasa handed Kel a small package. "It's from Joren," she said.

Opening the package, she saw a small gold chain with a pendant and a note. Unfolding the small parchment, she read the note and refolded it, fingering the chain. After a moment, she put the chain on and slipped it under her tunic.

* * *

The months passed and winter turned to spring. As the snow melted, more knights and squires came north. Joren had learned a lot over the past months, but was more than ready to go back to Corus and a warm bed. When he was alone and had no lessons, he thought of Kel. He would wonder why he gave her the charm, how to get rid of her, and how she was faring. When Joren had written to Zahir, telling him of the change in plans, Zahir had written back, telling him that he had obviously come to care for Kel, and even added how she was faring. Joren had scoffed at the letter thinking the Bazhir's brain had gone numb in the cold of Corus. Yet, an odd sort of calm washed over him when he read how Kel's condition had improved. Vinson had arrived the next day, yet neither had spoken to the other over the course of time.

Later in the spring, Joren had just finished writing another letter to Zahir when the door to his room opened. "Vinson," he stated, hiding his surprise.

"I came to tell you that the Lump won't finish her page training." Joren had a sinking feeling he knew what he was going to say next. "Your plan to get rid of her is flawless, and since you were too cowardly to make the arrangements before you left, I took the liberty of implementing them," Vinson declared smugly.

"It won't work. She will take the tests, somehow. I've given up," he said calmly.

"Liar!" exclaimed Vinson. You've changed. After that kiss in the stables, you were different. Just a little bit. Zahir even agreed, but the two of you have been keeping secrets from us. He knows more than he has told us. After coming back from Cavall, you were all quiet and told us to let the Lump be, and then after the fight-"

"Fight?" Joren said in disbelief. "That wasn't a fight Vinson. You mauled her while she was helpless. You did the same thing that knights are supposed to protect others from, which is also why I didn't go through with the plan. It's wrong."

"She's a worthless whore, it doesn't matter what happens to her. You've softened towards the Lump, Joren. I still don't understand. Was she that good a kisser? Or did she take you to bed to sway you?" Seeing the change of expression in Joren's face, he continued, "she did, didn't she? The whore. She couldn't be that good in bed Joren, that you would-" Vinson was cut off by the sudden impact of Joren's fist upon his face.

"How dare you?" Joren said softly, his eyes glittering dangerously. "Get out." Vinson didn't move. "Get out!" he roared, watching as Vinson scrambled to leave the room. Slamming the door, he held his head in his hands as he leant back against the door.

* * *

Lord Paxton and Joren headed back to Corus towards the end of summer. As they reached Corus, he learned that Kel was a squire, to Lord Raoul of Goldenlake no less. The plan had failed and there was to be a trial, Vinson having been discovered on his return to Corus.

A week later, Joren had visited the maid, Lalasa, at her shop. A nagging feeling which he recognised as guilt seemed to plague him, as if it were he who was responsible for what had happened. And on some level maybe he was, but he refused to acknowledge that thought. Lalasa was far less timid than before, he noticed, as she greeted him in the busy shop. Joren didn't stay long, having no desire to be near the fuss and girlishness that filled the store. His guilt was assuaged for the time being, so he headed back to the palace.

* * *

**A/N - Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and poked me to remind me to update. I'm trying to be more active in Tammy fandom, so the next chapter will be up as soon as practicable. And a big thank you to Shelly for betaing this chapter for me. Also, I am looking for a new beta, if you're interested, PM/email/etc and let me know. Please review! :)  
**


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